The Tab’s A-Z of Sheffield – Part Two

More things you’ve heard of. And more things you haven’t. In alphabetical order.

Read Part One here!

N is for Nihilism

Nihilism is a philosophical doctrine that is popular with bus drivers in Sheffield. You can tell by their faces when you ask for a student ticket. A student ticket costs 80p. This means that buses are a cheap, albeit meaningless, way to get to and from the train station with loads of bags.

O is for the O2 Academy

The O2 Academy is a big box where gigs happen. There are loads of different ones. It used to host Propaganda every Friday night. You were only allowed in if you were really cool and really indie and really different to everyone else. This event now happens at Plug where the same rules apply.

P is for The Paternoster Challenge

The Arts Tower houses the largest paternoster lift in the world. It takes, roughly, 8 minutes to go all the way round. The ‘challenge’ is to drink a bottle of wine in this time. And not get caught. Or be sick on the Landscape Architects in the compartment below.

paternoster

 

Q is for Q-Park

It’s a car park. That’s made entirely out of foil. You can park for up to 30 minutes for free. When asked about his design, architect Jonathan New-Dwelling said: ‘Sheffield is known for its steel industry. To me, nothing says ‘steel’ more than a massive fucking disco cube.’

Its a car park

Its a car park

R is for Ranmoor

‘One does not simply walk into Ranmoor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.’

‘And it’s really far away from campus.’

- Boromir

S is for Sport Sheffield

S10health is a gym. There are loads of heavy things to lift and conveyor belts to run on. Brock is the S10health Gym Leader and Goodwin Sports Centre Premises Officer. He said: ‘Goodwin’s 638m2 sports hall is much better than the one at Pewter Gym. Have you seen how huge my Onix is?’

T is for Tramlines

The Tramlines Festival is a music festival that happens all over Sheffield in July. It’s really good. And inexpensive. And everyone has such a great time.

Everyone having such a great time!

Everyone having such a great time!

U is for Ugly

Ugly is new for 2013. It promises to ‘keep you crip walking all damn night whilst you’re sipping on some of that gin & juice’. If you’re not into hip hop, don’t worry. It’s no Biggie.

ugly

 

V is for Vendetta

There is a vendetta between the University of Sheffield and Sheffield Hallam University. This began when the University of Sheffield said that Hallam Union looks like a collection of giant metal curling stones. Hallam retorted with ‘Your mum looks like a collection of giant metal curling stones’.

Either that or giant metallic dog poo

Either that or giant metallic dog poos

W is for Weston Park

Weston Park is really nice. It has a duck pond and everything. On a sunny day it’s fun to sit by the duck pond and laugh at all the nerds in Western Bank Library. The Weston Park Museum is fun too.

X is for X-Men

Firth Court was once home to the X-Men. Professor Charles Xavier was forced to relocate to New York after his School for Gifted Youngsters was placed into special measures by Ofsted. The University of Sheffield maintains its association with the X-Men. Its current Vice-Chancellor is Dr Hank McCoy a.k.a. Beast.

Seriously. What were you expecting for ‘X’?

Y is for Yorkshire

Yorkshire is referred to as ‘God’s Own County’. Sheffield is in South Yorkshire and God has a holiday home in Broomhill. When asked about why He likes Sheffield so much, He said: ‘You know that bit in the Bible about me resting on the seventh day? I actually just went for a few drinks on Division Street.’

Z is for Zanzibar

‘Zanzibar – where the vibrant life and colour of an African street market meets the exotic heat of the Caribbean’. It’s both an archipelago off the coast of Tanzania and a restaurant on Fulwood Road. They’re both nice.

 

  • Anonymous

    Mate, have you been to Zanzibar? Completely empty for fairly good reason, food kinda meh, scent of desperation coming through a little as they seat you in their lone window table at peak time to make it seem as though they get customers. Not to mention the mild fear to post reviews online because of the almost-vindictive essay response you get from the owner if it’s not the review that he asked you to post when you asked for the bill. Best just stick to Broomhill Friery. But I guess that doesn’t start with a Z.