Things you’ve heard of. And things you haven’t. In alphabetical order.
A is for Aldi
It’s well cheap. And surprisingly good quality. Take a rucksack and some carrier bags as it’s a bit of a trek. But it’s well worth it. Think how good you’ll feel clinking past the nearby Waitrose laden with more bottles of 99p Bavaria than its customers can shake a middle-class fist at.
B is for The Botanical Gardens
If you like grass and plants, you’ll love The Botanical Gardens. There’s a shitload of flowers. And a bear pit. Yes. That’s right. A bear pit. For bears. A Victorian child fell in and was mauled to death.
There’s also an ice cream van and a fossilised tree. Fun for the whole flat.
C is for Corp
D is for Devonshire Chippy
Dev Chippy is near Dev Green. Its chips are cheap and of mediocre quality. If you’re drunk, the £2 ‘Special’ is great. But by ‘great’ I mean satisfactory and by ‘drunk’ I mean more pickled than the eggs on the counter. Come one, come all.
E is for Endcliffe
Home sweet home. For most first years. There are loads of beds and showers and kitchens. And there’s a place called The Edge Bar which is, perhaps ironically, situated ‘at the heart of The Endcliffe Village’. You’ll make friends. Probably.
There’s also a nice park nearby.
F is for The Fat Cat
The Fat Cat is a pub. A proper, traditional pub. Go on a Monday for a great pub quiz, an even better curry and a few pints of Kelham Best bitter (£1.30 each). It’s a walk. But it’s worth it. There’s an open fire. And a cosy garden. And a real cat that wanders around.
G is for Greggs
They’re everywhere. They’re the epitome of northern cuisine. There’s even one, on Division Street, that’s open until 3 a.m. – to satisfy your nocturnal pastry penchant.
H is for The Hallam Tower
A monolithic eyesore that’s been abandoned since 2004. Once a forbidding hostel made entirely from asbestos. Now full of dead pigeons. The view from the top is impressive. But not worth risking a tumor or a fall down a lift shaft.
I is for the Information Commons (IC)
The IC is the midsection of a big turquoise cruise liner that ran aground in 2007. It’s full of books and computers and shit. Watch this. It’s open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. And has showers and a cafe. This means that most third years and postgrads save money on rent by living in the IC permanently.
J is for John’s Van
If you like sandwiches, you’ll love John’s Van. It was recently stolen by the Hamburglar. The Hamburglar is a local pariah who moved to Sheffield in the late 1990s to escape a lawsuit. The van has now been returned. It sells bacon and brie sandwiches for £2.10. Van-tastic.
K is for Kelham Island
‘Kelham Island is one of Sheffield’s eleven designated Quarters’. A visiting nobleman once pointed out that you can’t have eleven quarters. He was clubbed to death with bits of steel.
L is for the Lyceum Theatre
Alongside the Crucible and the Studio, the Lyceum is one of three Sheffield Theatres. They put on some jolly good shows and there’s an outside courtyard bit that looks really nice at night. It has lights in the floor. And little gas vents that tranquilise poor people before they try to get inside.
M is for Meadowhall
Meadowhall is huge. It was recently voted the biggest thing ever. It is staffed entirely by lost children. There are loads of shops and it’s easy to get to by tram. Meadowhall hosts the annual Sheffield Hunger Games in which students kill each other to get 10% off at H&M.
Stay with The Tab for part two – coming up later in freshers’ week!